Choose Love

by Gillian on August 8, 2014

I thought that I was brave until he came along.

I was shedding my past life in layers.  I was rebelling against every idea I had previously held about how I should live.

But underneath my tough exterior, or what felt tough at times, I was still cycling through fears. I didn’t know how to communicate. I didn’t know how to be with someone.  I was still learning how to be with myself.

When he came along I still felt like a mess.  A beautiful mess, but a mess nonetheless, and he seemed perfect.  I wanted to push him away because I didn’t feel good enough. Because I had once tried so hard to create a life with someone and it blew up in my face.

But he is brave.  He made himself vulnerable.  He expressed himself, and when I finally choked out how I felt, he listened.  Since then it’s been one hell of a romantic adventure, with my feet on the ground and my heart in place.  I like where this is going.

I am healing.  I am learning what it really is to be brave.  I am learning to choose love.

IMG_2498

 

{ 2 comments }

Dear Reader

by Gillian on July 27, 2014

93b01b2acd74eff11528f2dd09725a06

Dear reader,

There is so much I would like to say to you. I would like to tell you about last night’s picnic on the beach by my childhood home where I used to run into the ocean in nothing but jean shorts and my long scraggly blonde hair. How we ate Roquefort cheese and drank sparkling wine, and it tasted like France. I was flooded with memories from here and there. I felt happy. I felt loved.  The sun coloured our skin gold and the freighters stretched their long bodies out in the ocean.

I would like to tell you about someone who makes me smile and has hands and a heart that are doing their best to heal all of my wounds. Eyes that see every bit of me and a voice that sings and yells how beautiful I am.  He is brave.  I am learning to be.

I feel like I have been on a long journey and that I am slowly coming home. I still have so much to see, learn and do, but I am becoming whole again. There is a familiarity with myself that I have not felt in a long time. I no longer feel the need to escape. I want to be here now. I want to be me.

Until I can properly find the words to tell you more, just know that all is well. Expect good things to happen to you and never forget your worth. Life is exciting.

Love,
Gillian

{ 9 comments }

The Gypsy 15

by Gillian on July 1, 2014

In my past year of gypsy adventures I have put an extra 15 pounds on my body.

IMG_2668

This is scary to admit, to myself, and publicly.  With my history of an eating disorder and body image issues, it can feel terrifying.

But I’ve come a hell of a long way.  I still think I look beautiful.  It was been one hell of an adventure, full of great food, libations, travel, sleepless nights, and an insane amount of fun that brought me here.

[click to continue…]

{ 5 comments }

How to Unbreak Your Heart

June 26, 2014

Someone I love is going through a heartbreak right now.  She is amazing.  He fucked up.  And now she is left to pick up the pieces. Heartbreak sucks.  You feel empty and alone and no matter how it ends your ego cries “Why wasn’t I good enough?  Why didn’t it work?  What is wrong with me?”

Read the full article →

Courage My Heart

June 23, 2014

This weekend I made love to the mountain air. I have spent the past few months daydreaming about mountains and forests, knowing I need nature to feed my soul.  So we drove up to the mountains and feasted. In the morning hours I walked through trails with a dog by my side as the sun crawled […]

Read the full article →

I’ll Take You Home

June 11, 2014
Read the full article →

Rave On

June 9, 2014

A few days away at the cottage helped ease my tired head. Toronto has been yet another whirlwind in this year of adventure, and I’m finding myself, after so much happiness and excitement, feeling exhausted.

Read the full article →

Owning my Body

June 3, 2014

I am changing. It’s been over a year of re-claiming my life and freedom, and most recently, my body.

Read the full article →

Thirst

May 28, 2014

 

Read the full article →

Caffeinated in Vancouver

May 21, 2014

Few things make me happier than discovering new coffee shops and trying their various brews. Here are some of my favourites since moving back to Vancouver. Musette Probably my favourite coffee shop in Vancouver.  A cozy spot in Chinatown filled with the owner’s collection of cycling memorabilia.  When I’ve got a big day ahead I […]

Read the full article →