I am not a natural born runner.

In fact, I’m the furthest thing from any type of athlete.  But there are times in my life when it makes sense to run.

I spent the first four months of this year sitting at a desk in an office every day and lying in bed every evening.  I had no energy.  I felt lifeless and vulnerable.

Now that I’m back in the countryside and preparing for my next solo adventures I want to feel strong.  So little by little, I’m hitting the country roads and gaining strength.  It’s a little easier with songs like this.

Woodkid – Run Boy Run (Official Video HD) from WOODKID on Vimeo.

Woodkid (Yoann Lemoine) is one of my favourite musicians.  He’s a French music video director, graphic designer and singer-songwriter.  I love how hauntingly beautiful his voice and his videos are.

I am slowly building strength.  Strength I’ll need while I’m building and doing manual labour at my workaway job next month, while leading excursions in Paris, and while feeling safe on all of the trips to come.

With physical strength comes mental strength.  I am adjusting to the idea of being on my own.  Of being okay with that.  Even getting excited about it.

When I’m running through a trail I let my fingers glide along the wet blades of grass.  I look up into the sky.  I am in the moment and I am happy.  I sometimes think “If the world were to suddenly to end now that would be ok.”

But there’s a lot to look forward to.  So I’ll keep running and becoming stronger.

*If you’re a runner you also need to try this pre-run yoga video.  The stretches are delicious.

Sometimes life is very generous.

It’s been eight years since my friend Aimée was here last.  It was the end of summer and I was suffering from a younger kind of heartbreak.

We danced in the rain, hitchhiked to a wine festival, to the next town to buy whiskey, pancake mix and chocolate, slept in a borrowed car during a storm, got into a lot of trouble, and laughed until it hurt.  It is one of my best summer memories.

When I found out she would be visiting with her parents in May I wanted to embrace the universe.  If there were ever a time for my friend with the contagious laugh and big beautiful heart to come back into my life, it is now.

And like all good things in life, not much has changed.  Our lives have gone different ways but we are the same young girls who love to drink and dance and find the humour in everything.

I could tell you about our visit to the market, or the winery for her dad’s birthday, or her perfectly cooked risotto, or the cheesy DJ we danced to last night, but I really just want to express how grateful I am.

Good friends don’t come easily.  Friendships that start when your young and hold their strength over the years are gold.  Friends that look at you and tell you straight up “You’re the whole damn package” light up your whole damn world and make you feel worthy.

I’m grateful for my friend, for her loving family, for laughing with tears in our eyes as we confessed our teenage sins.

Oh baby it’s a wild world, but with good friends it’s worth the ride.

And because all good times come with good recipes, you can find a recipe for Celebration Muffins here.

I love creative approaches towards charity.

I don’t think that going door to door or soliciting people in the street is the best way to spread a message.  Especially now, with the power of social media and clever marketing, there are so many great ways to get people involved.

This Share My Dabba system is the perfect example of a clever charity.  No one is losing out, less food is being wasted, and kids are getting the nourishment they need because of an easy to use program.

I would love to see this expand to cities all over the world.

From the program…

What is Share My Dabba?
Share My Dabba is an initiative to get uneaten food in dabbas (lunch boxes) to hungry children on the street. It’s not charity but an attempt to create a practical, every day system for food relief.

Why Share My Dabba?
300 million children across the world will go hungry today. 200 thousand in Mumbai, with 2 starving to death. All this while we leave behind food. In the dabbawala system itself, out of the 120 tons of food transported, approximately 16 tons is wasted. Wouldn’t you rather share this with a hungry child than throw it in the bin?

How does it work?
On a diet? Not feeling that hungry? Skipped lunch? More food than you can eat? If you have any food uneaten in in your dabba, all you need to do is put a Share sticker on it. The sticker allows the dabbawalas to identify the ones Shared from the ones empty. When the dabbas, on their way back, go through sorting the ones with a Share sticker are kept aside. This gives volunteers a window to open these dabbas and give the food inside to children. They then repack the dabbas and keep them back while the children finish the food.

I love it when charity is approached in a creative way.

There is a way to improve the world without knocking on doors or soliciting people in the street. Especially with the power of social media and clever marketing skills.

When do the children get the food?
Right after lunch, barely an hour and a half after it’s eaten.

What about the quality of food?
It’s the same food you would share with your colleagues or friends during lunch. Or that you would eat off your colleague’s plate. Some of it does go cold by the time it reaches the children, but remains just as nutritional. As far as transmitting germs through the food goes, would you share your food with a friend if you were ill? We expect participants to follow the same logic. If someone does paste a sticker with malicious intent, it will be traced back to them.

Will this program come to my city?
We hope so. All we need is a strong food network we can attach ourselves to. But first, we’re trying to make this work in Mumbai.

Can I help?
We will need all the help we can get. Please send your mails to happylifewelfare@gmail.com with the subject Share My Dabba.

Like the Facebook page here

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

by Mary Oliver

For mother’s day my mom requested lamb and roasted potatoes for dinner.

She’s a true Irish woman I tell ya.  Wanting to make my mama proud, I whipped up some lamb chops and the world’s best crispy roasted potatoes (video tutorial to come).

One of my favourite lamb recipes is Vij’s lamb popsicles.  I’ve made this Indian twist on lamb popsicles more times than I can count and am obsessed with the flavour combination of tumeric and fenugreek.

This time I lightened up the sauce by making a yogurt dip with similar spices to eat with the lamb and potatoes.  It was absolutely delicious.  If I was given this dip with a bowl of roasted potatoes alone I’d be blissfully happy.

Most importantly, my mom loved it.  And paired with a wonderful red wine and conversation with her two sons, she went to bed knowing she is appreciated by all of us.

Lightened up Lamb Popsicles

Lamb:

• 9 lamb chops
• olive oil
• 1 tsp Dijon
• 2 cloves of garlic, crushed and chopped
• Rosemary, chopped finely
• 1/4 cup white wine
• salt and pepper

Yogurt dip:

• 1 cup Greek yogurt (plain)
• 1 tsp tumeric
• 2 tsp ground Fenugreek flakes (known as ‘kasuri methi’)
• Juice from one lemon
• Salt
• Fresh parsley

1. Mix olive oil, Dijon garlic, rosemary, white wine and salt and pepper in a large bowl.
2. Add lamb; turn to coat. Let marinate at room temperature at least 30 minutes and up to 1 hour.
3. Preheat oven to 400°F. Heat remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil in heavy large ovenproof skillet over high heat. Add lamb; cook until browned, about 3 minutes per side. Transfer skillet to oven and roast lamb chops to desired doneness, about 10 minutes for medium-rare.
4. Mix yogurt dip and top with fresh parsley.
5. Transfer lamb to platter, cover, and let rest 5 minutes.
6. Serve with rice or roasted potatoes.

Sometimes I am terrified of living the life that I want.

Since I was young I have held back from doing things that I want to do out of fear.

It’s why I still can’t drive or ride a bike.

While in some ways I have been very brave, like moving to Ireland at 16, moving to Paris after a year of university, daring to write a book and finding the strength to let go of relationships that no longer serve me, I have a long way to go.  This is hard to write and hard to admit to myself.

I can’t count the number of opportunities, even if they are as simple as invites to a concert or a party, that I have turned down out of fear.  Fear of not fitting in, looking good enough, not being liked, or wanting to leave too soon.

I have also wasted a lot of precious time doing things that do not make me happy.

For example, in my late teens and early twenties I would spend a lot of time in stores.  I didn’t buy a lot, but I was always in malls, clothing stores or grocery stores looking at things to buy.  And the truth is I hate shopping.  I love beautiful things but I am much happier out in nature, going to a museum or a gallery or spending time with someone I care about.

When my last relationship first started my partner brought out the best in me.  He was adventurous and inspired me to do more of what I actually loved.  We went hiking, visited markets, went to galleries, checked out new restaurants and were often spontaneous in our outings.  While this faded a little over time I’ll never forget how good it made me feel.

It reminded me of the life I should be living.  Of the life I live when I am happiest and most in tune with myself.  It is the kind of life I am trying to rebuild for myself now.

I have made a big change and leap in my life but now I’m working on the little things.  I’m spending more time outside.  I’m saying yes more.  The other night I danced by myself under the stars.

I don’t want to waste any more of my life buried in fear or missing out on opportunities.  The beauty I crave is out there, even within myself, and waiting to be explored.

Today my best friend turns 25.

I should be with her I’m not.  So the least I can do is smother her in love from afar.

Since she always sends me the best lists I wanted to make her one.

It’s hard to put in to words the love I feel for this incredible woman but I’ll do my best.

25 reasons you’re my best friend

1.  You are the most loyal person I know.  I have been traveling and moving from city to city for the past 10 years.  My friends have grown to accept that I am hard to reach and that I can be distant.  While our friendship started casually it has blossomed into something so strong and beautiful that you feel like a long lost sister.  You are the one person I feel comfortable calling in the middle of the night in tears or sharing my darkest fears with.

2.  You are brave and you inspire me.  You have successfully written, produced and starred in your own one woman show.  You packed up and moved to LA on your own.  You drive around the city like a boss and are creating a life you can be proud of.

3.  You are hilarious.  You are funny as hell and somehow even get my humour.  I never laugh as much as when I’m with you.  Even in between tears we manage to find something hilarious.  You are my favourite medicine.

4.  You are grateful.  You are the one person who never turns down something I’ve made.  You always show an extreme amount of gratitude for anything I’ve done for you and always make me feel appreciated.  It never goes unnoticed.

5.  You love delicious food.  I love how we can go to a restaurant and order everything off of the menu even when we’re broke because we love to eat.  There’s something special about a friend you can go for a snack with and order fries, salad, cheesecake, and three kinds of gravy and dip.

6.  Your smile.  Even though I make fun of how you smile in photos I secretly love it.  You are so beautiful but you ham it up in a way that is perfectly charming and disarming.

7.  Your style.  You can pull of things I never could and are the one person I take fashion advice from.  You have a way with clothes and beauty and I love being your real life Barbie doll.

8.  You go the extra mile.  There have been so many moments when you have gone out of your way to make me feel better.  I see you do this with everyone you care about.

9.  Your generosity.  You literally clothed and housed me in the worst four months of my life.

10.  You’re better than Oprah.  I have never met anyone who can talk things out as well as you.  I can be ready to jump off a bridge, and by the time we’re done talking, I want to strap on some 4 inch heels and go dancing.

11.  Our friendship knows no boundaries.  You have powdered my naked body so that a dress wouldn’t stick to me in the summer.  Enough said.

12.  You value family.   I don’t know anyone who talks to their grandmother more than you.

13.  You do the best impersonations.  Every time I see your play I am blown away by how such a beautiful woman can transform into a male taxi driver, a gay Spanish man and a child.  You do what only the best actors do by making the audience forget who you are .  You take us right into your character.

14.  You make the best Persian food.  And then say you can’t cook.  But that rice, oh my god, that rice.

15.  You are a part of my family.  You have only met my parents once but are already an honorary daughter.

16.  You like to live well.  I love that no matter how broke we are we somehow manage to live like we’re loaded.

17.  You make any situation fun.  Whether it’s folding laundry or dining at the best restaurant in the city, it’s always hilarious and fun.  You brighten any dull moment.

18.  You love to travel.  I love that you flew to London for your birthday, fly back and forth from Toronto to LA, and visit your family in Spain.  I predict some European adventures in our future.

19.  You are honest.  I never have to guess what you’re thinking because you’ll tell me straight up and clear the air right away.  Even when it throws me off guard I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.

20.  You have the best hair.

21.  You always smell nice.

22.  You look great in red lipstick.

23.  You’re Iranian and I’m Irish but I’m browner than you.  But I’m Irish Canadian and therefore also Iranian.

24.  “Whyyyyyyyyyyy?!”  This and all the other moments where our lives parallel each other in inexplicable ways.

25.  You love me.  And I love you.  A lot.  They say that’s all you really need in life, so I guess we’re set.  Thank you.

We all desire to be happy.

I am happiest when I feel balanced, creative and true to myself.  I am happiest when I love myself, when I’m in love, or sharing my love with others.

It’s not always so simple.  I was reading Bourdain’s 5 keys to a happy life yesterday and thought I’d sum up my own.  While this year has been a struggle for me, I have also have had some incredible moments of happiness that make all the rest worth it.  The following has helped:

Love over fear

I am drawn to fear.  Fear of never being good enough, of things not working out, of failure and of how others see me.  My mind can be a spinning wheel of destructive thoughts but I am learning to choose love over fear.  I immediately tell myself “These thoughts are not serving you and they will not make anything better.”  And I drop it.

My friend recently told me about a man who changed his life by repeating the mantra “I love myself” over and over in his head every day.  I’ve been coaching myself out of some difficult moments and deeply rooted insecurities successfully with this one and will continue to.  Funny how much a little self love can change your world completely.

Fear does not serve us, or anyone else.  Love sets us free.

 It’s all an adventure

My mother always told me that adaptability is a sign of intelligence.  She was right.  The definition of intelligence is the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations.

So when life changes, I try to adapt.  To embrace change.  And when the situation is really terrible or uncomfortable, I tell myself it’s an adventure and will make a great story one day.  My mom and I have an ongoing joke that I’m the ideal travel partner because when things go wrong I smile and say “It’s an adventure!”  

Be present

This is so hard for me. I am constantly looking into the future and worrying or planning.  Lately I have gotten better at living in the moment.  The second I stop and look around me I feel grateful.  This is it.  Sometimes we all need to put down our phones and agendas and be present.

Moderation

I joke that I’m an all or nothing girl.  But I know when I find that perfect balance I am at my best.  I once read that the perfect day involves time to yourself, time to socialize and play, time outside and time to work.  Anytime I have achieve this I feel so perfectly content.  Same goes for moderation in all of life’s indulgences.

Be passionate

Follow your passions.  Whether it’s cooking, singing, dancing, writing or painting murals, make some time for it.  When I neglect my writing I neglect myself.  When I forget to go for long walks outside I neglect my body and my peace of mind.  When I forget to make time for art and creativity I feel stifled.  It’s important to make your passion your priority once and a while.

What makes you happy?  What are your keys to happiness?

I have never been so happy to be home.

I woke up before 5 a.m. this morning at a Heathrow airport hotel and had no idea where I was.  I soon adjusted to my surroundings and felt a big wave of relief.  I was in London, and flying home.

A taxi, a two hour plane ride, and an hour drive through the French countryside with a pit stop for groceries later, I am home.

After four months of insomnia, heartache and depression, I am in the one place where I can lay my head down and rest.  Our quiet village and my comfortable bed are the only place I want to be.

I feel that up until now I’ve been chasing one high after the other.  I’ve been an adrenaline junkie trying to fuel my sadness and exhaustion with socializing, drinks, coffee and distractions.  I have almost stopped sleeping completely and in the past week have had aches and pains in my head, face and body that I’ve never experienced before.  In London I started to feel like I might just collapse on the sidewalk.  When I look into the mirror I see a distant version of myself.

Now it’s time to sleep.  To sit and be comfortable with myself and my feelings.  To write and walk.  To hydrate and nourish.  To prepare for the next adventures.

I am so happy to be home.

Everyone deserves to be led around London by a beautiful woman.

After a great wedding and a little too much Irish celebration I somehow made it here.

I stepped out into the sunshine this morning to meet Alice.  Alice is an honorary sister and daughter in my family.  We have known each other since we were both small things kicking around our little French village.

We had planned to see a Sundance film I ordered tickets for, but after a misfortunate morning of forgetting my tickets, underground closures, and a taxi dropping me off an hour from the actual destination, there was no point in trying to make the film on time.  Some things are not meant to be.

So instead we met at Greenwich market.  We walked past the incredible smelling food stands, pieces of deep fried bread dipped in sugar, hand made soaps, brightly coloured hippie clothes that Alice attempted to make me add to my widower’s black wardrobe with a devilish grin, and a million other things to admire that you’d never really need.

We were drawn to the juice stand and topped up on big beet, carrot and apple juices to drown our sins.  With no destination in mind we took a long walk through the park until our hands grew numb.  At a small restaurant we warmed up with some Spanish tapas and Tinto de Veranos.

With a light buzz we jumped back on the train and over to the ghost streets of London to admire the architecture the way you only can on a quiet Sunday.  We stopped in to a free art exhibit of haunting puppets and walked for miles until the only appropriate thing to do was stop for some proper cocktails at the Artesian bar in the Langham hotel.  The opulent cocktails made it a comfortable space to sit for a couple of hours.  My parents joined us before we headed over to Mestizo for a Mexican feast.

My dad and I both live for Mexican food.  I hardly spoke a word over my nopales tacos filled with tender cactus leaf and tacos rajas con crema with poblano pepper strips in a sweet corn and onion cream sauce.  To make things even better, when we requested hot sauce we were brought a plate of house made hot sauces and chipotle peppers.  I could have cried tears of joy (or heat).

London has treated me well so far.  This could be home some day in the near future so I’m taking it all in and seeing where my heart leads me.